just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
