Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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