It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
