how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
