i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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