Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Did I show you my penis last night?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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