this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
