I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
