so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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