she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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