We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
