tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
