I just saw a hot homeless man
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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