I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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