You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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