She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
