I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
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I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
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I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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