Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we made out on top of his cat.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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