she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
