Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize