After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
