Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
