and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
