You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
