Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
