You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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