Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
