you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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