I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you made out with another girl for some wings
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
