I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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