Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
