the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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