I've blown a few things in my day
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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