Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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