i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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