Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
