im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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