it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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