Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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