im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just had sex on a roof
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
