I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
