Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Green mimosas i think yes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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