there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
