We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
