Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
True college students do jello shots in the library
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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