Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
