allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
