i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
