Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
