Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
