I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
