this boner is exhausting
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
