I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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