think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
