Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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