I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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