it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
