just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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