my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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