It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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