Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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