Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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