so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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