If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
