What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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