Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i've created a new STD.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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