Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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