A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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