mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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