my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
