Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
