Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.

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  (703): How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time. http://tfl.nu/qie0
  Replies (2) Good night (1489) Bad night (540)
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  (518): View more from New York

  woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so

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  (518): woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so http://tfl.nu/1jbm
  Replies (6) Good night (7011) Bad night (622)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.

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  (608): I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear. http://tfl.nu/lmzy
  Replies (9) Good night (4840) Bad night (1197)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.

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  (502): She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused. http://tfl.nu/76xl
  Replies (17) Good night (2086) Bad night (2714)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night

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  (847): Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night http://tfl.nu/mp67
  Replies (7) Good night (3118) Bad night (824)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.

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  (518): Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip. http://tfl.nu/y6yl
  Replies (9) Good night (3346) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Your blankets are not drunk friendly

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  (706): Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving (706): Your blankets are not drunk friendly http://tfl.nu/10kf
  Replies (2) Good night (890) Bad night (1116)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

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  (+44): I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/7nti
  Replies (3) Good night (2482) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered

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  (440): You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered http://tfl.nu/unl1
  Replies (6) Good night (2727) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny

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  (513): I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny http://tfl.nu/yacg
  Replies (8) Good night (1260) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes

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  (216): Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes http://tfl.nu/70ll
  Replies (5) Good night (896) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.

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  (631): I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping. http://tfl.nu/09a4
  Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday

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  (701): You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday http://tfl.nu/l516
  Replies (0) Good night (557) Bad night (229)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"

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  (727): She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings" http://tfl.nu/mihx
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems

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  (505): Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems http://tfl.nu/nr34
  Replies (3) Good night (394) Bad night (378)

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