Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.

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  (314): i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out. http://tfl.nu/zite
  Replies (19) Good night (4788) Bad night (1299)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?

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  (609): How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does? http://tfl.nu/dymy
  Replies (46) Good night (772) Bad night (6107)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker

  (914): View more from New York

  Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.

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  (617): I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker (914): Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high. http://tfl.nu/0o33
  Replies (7) Good night (3964) Bad night (1117)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka

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  (919): I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka http://tfl.nu/i4zm
  Replies (7) Good night (8189) Bad night (1341)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors

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  (810): i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors http://tfl.nu/jlfm
  Replies (4) Good night (2024) Bad night (968)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.

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  (917): Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'. http://tfl.nu/jzlx
  Replies (12) Good night (974) Bad night (2730)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.

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  (+61): Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking. http://tfl.nu/00hi
  Replies (6) Good night (799) Bad night (1697)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.

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  (806): We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers. http://tfl.nu/r7l6
  Replies (16) Good night (2750) Bad night (858)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.

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  (412): i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule. http://tfl.nu/st8v
  Replies (6) Good night (1484) Bad night (846)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.

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  (613): Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day. http://tfl.nu/48u4
  Replies (10) Good night (2240) Bad night (762)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere

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  (248): I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere http://tfl.nu/d1lq
  Replies (7) Good night (658) Bad night (1333)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me

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  (+61): Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me http://tfl.nu/fiyb
  Replies (4) Good night (716) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Didn't you used to babysit him?

  (607): View more from New York

  18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.

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  (603): Didn't you used to babysit him? (607): 18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine. http://tfl.nu/bfck
  Replies (8) Good night (1690) Bad night (503)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records

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  (703): Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records http://tfl.nu/vyxa
  Replies (3) Good night (411) Bad night (178)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night

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  (248): Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night http://tfl.nu/dll5
  Replies (4) Good night (296) Bad night (162)

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