my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
