So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
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Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....