I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
