I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.