you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
