I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape