you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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