If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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