i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
