it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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