Where is the hickey?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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