I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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