I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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