are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
