I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
