Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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