So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
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Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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