I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
