i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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