i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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