I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
