Pants 0. Shit 1.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
